Message

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Beautiful Wives and Considerate Husbands

1 Peter 3:1-7

Key Verse: 3:4,7a: Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is great worth in God’s sight…Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives.”

In chapter one Peter proclaimed how Christians got a new identity since we believe in Jesus. We are God’s chosen people, royal priesthood, holy nation, and his treasured possession. In chapter two Peter instructed Christians how to live as God’s chosen people. His instruction for slaves was submission. He urged Christian slaves to be submissive to their masters for the sake of the Lord Jesus. Who knows that evil masters may come to believe in Jesus through their Christian slaves’ good lives. In chapter three Peter instructs wives and husbands how to live as God’s chosen people. This is a very practical and important instruction for all of us. So let us pay attention to this message.

First, submissive wives with a gentle and quiet spirit (1-7) Peter spent six verses for wives, whereas only one verse for husbands. This does not necessarily mean that wives have more problems than husbands, but Peter emphasizes the importance of the role of wives in a family. Look at verses 1-2. “Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.” Peter urged all wives to be submissive to their own husbands in the same way. What is the same way? It is the way Christ Jesus did. In chapter 2:21-23 Peter explained how Jesus showed a good example of being submissive to God the Father and to authority. “He committed no sin, and no deceit was found in his mouth.” When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly.” Even though Jesus had a chance to defend himself by saying many words, he did not open his mouth, but obeyed the cross to the end. In arguments, especially between a husband and a wife, a husband never wins over his wife. I think that God provides the power and skill of talk for women to protect themselves from their violent husbands. So, some husbands leave the house or others abuse their physical power to stop their wives when they lose in arguments. Insomuch wives defend themselves by their words. Still, Jesus did not open his mouth to defend himself. He was a silent sheep who was led to a slaughter. 

Here Peter does not talk about wives’ blind submission to their husbands. Their submission is for the Lord’s sake and for the salvation for their unbelieving husbands. It is the same way as Christians slaves obey their evil masters for the sake of the Lord and for the salvation of their masters. There have been many persecutions of Christians wives from their unbelieving husbands. Unbelieving husbands persecute their wives because of Jesus. Jesus said to his disciples that everyone will hate them because of him. Unbelieving husbands persecute their believing wives because their wives love Jesus more than them. Of course believing wives love their husbands and become submissive to them, still the husbands are jealous and they persecute their wives. So, Christian wives begin to pray for their unbelieving husbands and for their salvation day and night. They also say many good words to persuade their unbelieving husbands. But as we know, the unbelieving husbands are won over by their wives’ behavior, not by their words. They judge their wives’ behavior and holy lives, not by their words. Verse 2 says that they are won over when they see the purity and reverence of their wives’ lives.

Proverbs 31:10-31 teaches us about the noble character of the wife. It starts as “A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value…” Then, it concludes as “Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. Honor her for all that her hands have done, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.” (Pr 31:10-11, 30-31) These verses value women’s noble character more than their physical beauty. They say that a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. The wife who fears the LORD respects her husband because she obeys the order which God established in her family. Even though she finds her husband’s weak points, she bears them and prays for him. Proverbs 31:11-12 says, “Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.”

Peter continues to instruct the wives. Look at verses 3-4. “Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.” Women spend more time than men on make-up before they go outside. They are concerned about their outward appearance. This is the reason why women spend more money than men for buying cosmetics or brands, and having plastic surgery. But, Peter said that their beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyle, and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes, but from their noble character, from their inner self, from the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit. A wife who has a gentle and quiet spirit is a woman of noble character. It is not easy for women to have a gentle and quiet spirit because they want to talk and they want to defend themselves with many talks. Some are violent to their husbands. But those who have a gentle and quiet spirit are noble women and truly beautiful women of God. I want to ask all the wives here. Do you have a gentle and quiet spirit or a violent and fighting spirit? Peter said in verse 4 that such a spirit is of great worth in God’s sight. Amen!

In verses 5-6 Peter showed a good example of a wife with noble character who had a gentle and quiet spirit. Look at verses 5-6. “For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to adorn themselves. They submitted themselves to their own husbands, like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her lord. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear.” There appear five women in the genealogy of Jesus Christ. They had all common points regardless of their differences in many ways. They all lived by faith. They feared God. They put their hope in God in all circumstances. Many wives fight against their husbands because they are disappointed in their husbands. They thought that their husbands would become perfect men, perfect husbands and perfect fathers. But they soon become disappointed by their weak, childish, irresponsible husbands. So some wives say that they are raising one more son besides their children. This happens because they put their hope in their husbands, not in God. Abraham Lincoln said that a man becomes mature at the age of 40. So, it is not easy for a young wife to put her hope in her husband and expect perfection from him. But holy women, women of noble character put their hope in God, not in their husbands. Of course they must pray and support their husbands as suitable helpers. What Peter meant here is that they will be disappointed when they expect too much from their husbands.

Peter chose Sarah as a good example of a woman with a gentle and quiet spirit. This is because Sarah obeyed Abraham and called him lord. In fact Sarah’s faith was great when she followed Abraham who had left without knowing where he was going. I believe that my wife Mary’s faith was great when she followed me. We were supposed to move to San Francisco to plant a church right after the Northridge earthquake in 1994. So she found a hospital in San Francisco and packed to move there. But our plan was suddenly changed after I visited Chicago. I asked her to move to Chicago to work in HQ, not to move to SF. Msn. Mary agreed and we moved to Chicago. At that time I was so thankful for her coworking and obedience to God’s servant. I believe that this is not only my story but your story, too. In the same way Sarah didn’t talk back to Abraham who asked her to leave his country and his father’s household. She just trusted in God and her husband Abraham and followed him. God valued Sarah’s submission despite both Abraham’s and her mistakes. Look at verse 6b again. “You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear.” Here, doing what is right is to be submissive to your husband and not fight back against him. 

Second, husbands, be considerate (7) Now Peter instructs husbands. Look at verse 7. “Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.” Here in the same way means be considerate as Jesus was. In KJV the words ‘be considerate as you live with your wives’ is translated as “dwell with them according to knowledge.” This means that husbands must be thoughtful and mindful when they talk, act, and live with their wives. The opposite word of ‘be considerate’ is ‘indifferent and thoughtless’. Wives are hurt when their husbands talk thoughtlessly and treat them ruthlessly. Wives are very sensitive to their husbands’ words. They love to be praised by their husbands, even though it is often exaggerated. For example, wives love to hear from their husbands as good cooks, “Honey, this is very delicious! This tastes better than that of an expensive restaurant.” But indifferent husbands say nothing about food, but eat like an animal. 

My older brother and his wife visited us for a few weeks. I had a chance to talk with my brother before he returned to Korea. I asked him to be more considerate towards his wife, especially at the table. I saw him asking her to bring this and that even though she was busy doing something else. He acted like a master and treated her like his maid. I don’t know how much he understood my advice, but he agreed to be more considerate to his wife. In verse 7 Peter urged husbands to treat their wives with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs who share the gracious gift of life. In the Greek version, the word ‘partner’ is ‘vessel’ which means ‘bowl.’ Wives are fragile bowls which are easily broken. This is the reason why wives easily break out in tears when they are hurt.

Husbands must be considerate toward their wives. Husbands must be thoughtful when they talk to their wives. They should be mindful, too. In fact wives have many things to do at home. They have to cook, clean the house, do laundry, take care of children, and so on. So, considerate husbands help their wives by emptying trash cans, washing dishes, cutting the grass, and so on. Indifferent and thoughtless husbands watch TV or play games while their sick wives are busy doing many things at a time. 

Since wives and husbands made a marriage vow, they share the same destiny. They take on the same boat until their boat reaches heaven. They are heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ Jesus. According to the book of Genesis, men and women are created not equal. But they have the same right and privilege because both of them were created in the image of God. A husband is the head of a family and a wife is his suitable helper. God established a family for his glory and for men’s happiness. When they keep this spiritual order and do the work of God, they are truly happy. 

Look at the last part of verse 7. “...so that nothing will hinder your prayers.”

This verse teaches both wives and husbands to be considerate of each other’s personal time with God, especially before they come to church on Sunday. If they argue or fight on Sunday morning, they come to church with a devil's face. Some will not come to church. They must be self-controlled, respect others, and be considerate of each other’s worship. So, wait until the church service is over, then do whatever you want to do.

In conclusion wives, be submissive as Christ was. Husbands, be considerate as Christ was toward his church. We are praying for Luke West and Hannah Kim’s wedding on the first day of June. We pray for Luke to be a considerate husband and Hannah a submissive wife. We also pray that God may establish many beautiful house churches among our second gens and young leaders in this country. Amen! 

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• 1 Pe03-01-07-message.docx

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